Converations with my mother

[charlottezweb]

We had brunch the other day, my mother and I, at a nice little cafe/lunch counter in the market. Unbeknownst to her, I had eaten breakfast already when I ran an errand with the baby over the bridge. I had to go to Lowes for boric acid and we were both too hungry to wait until 1130am to eat. So I didn't vacuum up my food like I might have, especially since the tomato pie was a bit disappointing.

We were out shopping a few days later and I warned her that I would probably want to eat several times as being pregnant is making me ravenous. She replied with a story about her Aunt Sara who didn't gain any weight while she was pregnant and the said, "I was really impressed with how you controlled your appetite at breakfast the other morning. You ate less than I did."

Aigh!!! This is wrong on so many levels. This is same breakfast where after telling me the other day about how tired she's been, too tired to walk the dogs, she admitted that she's "slipped below 100 pounds" and she's 5'6". (She is trying to remember to eat now--she knows that she doesn't have enough energy at that size.) She refuses to think that her eating habits and issues are at all weird--it's everyone else who's just disgusting--but she has no problem commenting on mine. I'm pregnant and she's proud of me for not eating? *head--->desk*

Comments

[dr-brat.livejournal.com]

Food issues: the parental gift that keeps on giving.

[betonica.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you at least aren't allowing her food issues to influence you - that's really impressive all by itself. I'm glad you're eating enough for the pregnancy! Those healthy babies are so delightful. Um. Is your mom ok? 100 pounds is really, really not very much to weigh.

I have a younger friend who has, I suspect, mostly fended off the more major food issues. At any rate, I know she eats somewhere around enough. She's taller than me and very significantly thinner, although physically she weighs only 20 or 25 pounds less than me. She talks about "losing five pounds" or "not gaining any weight" often enough, though, that I'm a bit concerned. But what does one say that is helpful?

I know she's on the right track, at least, so I haven't volunteered anything (yet). She bought two copies of a book called "Thin" by Lauren Greenfield, and sent one to a friend of hers who she knows has serious anorexia issues. The book is amazing - stunningly beautiful but also very sad portraits (photos and essays) of women who are all in a recovery place for their anorexia / etc.

I'm not sure what I think of the book. On the one hand, it's very, very good that the information is out there, in a format that people will want to pick up and read. It was illuminating for me, someone who does not have much of anything in the way of eating issues. But it's also very compelling, and I suspect that someone with a severe eating disorder would use it as a model or goal, rather than a warning.

Anyway, if you're in one of those bookstores with the big glossy picture books, see if you can find it to glance through. Fascinating.

[lorres.livejournal.com]

*head--->desk*

Urk! yeah. You seem to be wonderfully aware of the tricky issues, though. I hope your awareness helps you.

Just about everything that crosses my lips is in some way a reaction to my mother's attitudes about eating. I should probably get professional help, but can there be unbiased professional help? I doubt it.